how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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