lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
