I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she looked like the before picture.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize