Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize