after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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