Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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