Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
They have beer where we have blood.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
