420 ftw
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
