"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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