Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
