He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
