pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize