You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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