Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she smelled like a LAN party
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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