My first STD was from a foam party
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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