i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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