You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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