sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
