he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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