my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
