have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
