And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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