she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
