shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
