Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
