Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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