I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
