Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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