it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I am morally bankrupt
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
