I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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