I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
