I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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