Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
