Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
