He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
