great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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