belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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