Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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