Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
