I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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