you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
