Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
