trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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