I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We need to get me chipped asap
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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