I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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