So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
