I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize