Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
