I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
