it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
