im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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