proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
