That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
