are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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