what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
