yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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