It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
