I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
