This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
