Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
