My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
