Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
