If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
