I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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