They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
