she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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