Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
