she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
