In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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