I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
