there's paper in my vomit.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
