You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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