rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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