Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
