fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
