I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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