Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
