idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
