I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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