The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
