Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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