i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
