just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize