I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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