It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
