i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I need moral support for this bender
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize