The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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