ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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