i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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