dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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