Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize