dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
