I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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