I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
