She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
